It’s that time of year! The teens I’m coaching are visiting the colleges and universities that top their lists, in some cases for the second time… and they are stirred up! It’s so much fun to listen to their excitement, what they loved/liked/were less than enthused about – they talk about the…
- campus
- classes
- students
- tour guide
- residence halls
- sports teams/events
- extracurriculars
So, here’s my thinking->Express Advice (getting to the heart of the matter FAST):
- Get a notebook/Create a file
- Choose the key elements to explore and write about for each campus-so you are comparing apples to apples
- Write down your thoughts about every school you visit-within hours of visiting, so your notes are fresh and full of detail
- Notes need to be general (what was the feel of the campus, would you be comfortable/can you see yourself there, what’s the weather like through the year, etc.)
- Notes need to be specific (what are the reputations of the departments that interest you, what did you learn about the professors/classes/students, are there enough/several great choices of majors/minors/study abroad, if you change your path?)
- What remaining questions do you have? Who can you contact with your questions, the admission office personnel, a professor, coach, student, alumni rep?
- Identify some “sounding boards,” people who will actively listen to your thinking about each of the schools, and offer their opinion only when asked. This is (in large part) your decision… no doubt your parents will weigh in with their thoughts, and that’s an opportunity to think and talk further… Remember, you are the one going to college, you need to feel the decisions are the right ones.
I won’t kid you -> Choosing where to apply to colleges is a big decision! If you’re applying Early Decision, no doubt you have a clear sense of what you want and are ready to pursue it (if not, don’t do ED). If you are choosing Early Action or regular decision… think with your head, feel with your heart, and choose the schools (likelies, possibles and reaches) that are a match for the who you are and who you want to become.
Hard to believe but true – summer is almost over and that means it’s time to start getting organized for the fall. Where are you in the college search process?
If you’re a senior, you have probably
- had a few meetings with your guidance counselor – talked about subjects of interest, colleges that might be a fit – > size, region of the country, price range
- talked with family or friends about schools they know and like… or don’t
- looked through materials from colleges – mailed to you or ones you have discovered online
- taken the SAT’s at least once and maybe taken some of the subject tests too
- taken the ACT
- thought about making visits to some schools early in the fall
So here’s my question: What’s your plan for the next four months?
If you have a plan -> fantastic! Just be sure to check in with some sources – guidance counselor/college advisor, books, me – to be certain you’ve got the big picture of what needs to be accomplished, you know the details, and you’ve created a timeline.
If you don’t have a plan -> time to make one! Read the next post!
Where are your parents in this process?
Just 10 days ago I was up at Clark University talking with parents of admitted students. Now I have to tell you, I generally don’t talk with parents much. I am really a teacher at heart and my passion is working with young people… but I suggested to one of my friends in the admissions office that offering a workshop for parents, to address their concerns about their teens leaving home was a possibility worth investigating. She liked the idea and I ran with it! Happily the two workshops were a great success… and I discovered that I liked talking with parents about their role in supporting their teens with decision-making and facing the changes/transitions ahead!
So where are you and your parents at this very moment in your college search process? I am guessing (hoping!) that you have had a few talks about where you might want to look… so here are some questions for you to consider. Perhaps they will start a few conversations.
How do you want your parents to help you during this process? How much support do you want and need?
Answers can include some or all of the following – depending on what part of the process you’re thinking about…
❍ “Just leave me to my own devices I will figure out what I need to do, where I need to visit, and how to handle all the pieces”
❍ “I could use some feedback about my ideas for places to look, people to talk with, and pulling all the pieces together – and maybe we’ll look at some of the colleges together”
❍ “I haven’t a clue about how to approach this task and I need your support through every step.”
(My take on the two extremes is… they’re extreme… not the best route: in the first case because you probably need information about family financial information (at the very least); and at the other end of the spectrum, how will you manage at college if you’re getting your hand held all along the way to getting there – I know, a brutal comment… but, it’s true, right? I think it’s a parent’s job to help you become a competent, independent individual who seeks support when necessary.
How will you tell your parent(s) what you want, in a way s/he can hear it?
Maybe you want to spend a little time on your own or with a friend and imagine what you want this process to be. Now, I am an arts and crafts kinda gal and so I like to create Treasure Maps (collage with magazine pictures, drawings and keys words, that create a picture of what you want your future or an event to look/be like), mindmaps, or Mindscapes (Nancy Margulies cool work). Whatever methods you chose, take the time to envision who you want to be and what you want to achieve in this college search process. And, that process includes the role(s) you want your parent(s) to play.
At the beginning you may just want to shoot around some ideas with your parents, then maybe it’s asking for the car keys and a map or money to hop on a train and check out some colleges… be sure to have the conversation about price range early in the process. If you don’t know what your family/you can afford, you can’t know where to look… And, don’t buy-in to the myths about state schools being less expensive than private colleges! If you just look at the numbers you will be missing important information… the private colleges often give significant amounts of money in scholarships or financial aid.
A few parents I listened to the other weekend hadn’t had the “Let’s figure out how your college education is going to be financed” conversation with their teens – and their teens were ready to chose a school! Learn from their experience – don’t repeat it! If it’s uncomfortable for you to start this conversation, talk about reading this blog… it’s a way into one of your most important conversations with your parents.
Be sure to leave the door open to possible changes in the types and amounts of help you want to receive… it may change as you get deeper into the process.
How do you think you will grow and change during this process?
It’s going to happen – and you may feel it before your parents recognize it… Or, they may not really be ready to see it, as they are going through their own thoughts and feelings about the future – both yours and theirs.
Make the time to let them know what you’re thinking… Too many parents commented on how they didn’t know what their teens were thinking – or how to begin a conversation about these really important topics and decisions… it made me sad.
What do you want your last year in high school/at home to be like?
It’s a big question! Find the time to think about and plan for it – so you can enjoy it!
So, how are you handling all the information about financial aid? You know about the FAFSA and you have probably heard/read about the CSS Profile. Do you know that there are LOTS of resources out there to help you? I’ve been on a fishing expedition at the local library and online. The good news is that there is almost an overwhelming number of resources, the not-so-good-news is that it can be tough to wade through all of it!
When I am talking with students and parents, I am pointing them in the direction of these books and sites… there are certainly more resources available… this is a good start!
SallieMae, How to Pay for College, a Practical Guide for Families, by Gen and Kelley Tanabe is really written for parents… and realistically, tackling the challenge of paying for college from all sides, really divvying up the work involved in researching the possibilities, sounds like a great plan to me. It’s also the basis for conversations, with parents and teens coming to the table with information to discuss. This book is a wealth of information and the site, www.salliemae.com provides online calculators. I also like the advice from the experts throughout the book.
Peterson’s, Paying for College, is a rather dry yet thorough little book. I have to say that I really like the chapters, Crack the Code: What Deal Did You Really Get?, If I Only Knew, and Top 19 Questions Parents and Students Should Ask. Don’t miss those chapters!
How To Go To College Almost for Free, Ben Kaplan, and his website, www.scholarshipcoach.com is a pleasure to read. I really enjoyed the comfortable, almost chatty, approach to the topic… The book was easy to read and the site was fun and useful.
The format of Winning Scholarships for College, by Marianne Ragins is more traditional than some… yet there’s lots of great information, and her site, www.scholarshipworkshop.com is chockfull. I have to say that I got lost for over half an hour just reading through the “Unusual Scholarship Opportunities,” such as these
“Stuck at Prom” Contest from the Henkel Consumer Adhesives, Inc. Duck Brand Duct Tape
Klingon Language Institute, Kor Memorial Scholarship, to recognize and encourage scholarship in the fields of language study
The Patrick Kerr Skateboard Scholarship
All American Apple Pie Recipe Contest from the Culinary Institute of America
The SAMMY Award (Scholar Athlete Milk Mustache of the Year)
How to go to College on a Shoestring is really “the whole enchilada” in terms of information about the college search and selection process, though the chapter titles hide the detailed nature of the information. Ann Marie O’Phelan offers up great research about scholarships, grants and fellowships, ways to save money once you’re in college, an appendix full of resources and a great bibliography… just in case you don’t have enough to read!
I have to say that I am partial to the big, fat books with a gazillion pages AND a CD that starts the winnowing process for me… and so I took a look and a spin with the CD from The Scholarship Book, 12th edition, by Daniel Cassidy and the Ellen Schneid Coleman Research Group (2006). In fact, the book lists scholarships, fellowships, grants and loans… yet the information is arranged by subject area, which is fine IF you know what area you are interested in… yet over half the students preparing to go to college are undecided as to their major…. On the “plus” side, there is a “general” section and there’s a very good list of college guides… but the CD is just pdfs of the book’s pages, so there’s no voodoo going on and spitting back answers to you (as the Barron’s Profiles of American Colleges does)… Too bad!
Nathan Brown and Sheryle Propers book, The Everything Paying for College Book feels like a book from the Idiot’s Guide, or Dummies series… and I have to admit I like that easy to read, point out the essential “stuff,” format.
The 2009 Scholarship Handbook, the CollegeBoard, now, here’s a treasure trove to sift through, made easier by format. This is a book that helps you learn the language of financial aid. I love it’s rather austere, straight to the info approach, and even more, I love the scholarship search program at www.collegeboard.com.
And, check out these sites!
http://www.salliemae.com
http://apps.collegeboard.com/cbsearch_ss/welcome.jsp
http://www.fastweb.com/
http://www.scholarships.com/
http://www.scholarshipcoach.com
http://www.collegeanswer.com/paying/content/pay_free_money.jsp
http://www.careersandcolleges.com/
http://www.collegenet.com/elect/app/app.
What’s the bottom-line?
Where are you in this process? What do you know and what do you have yet to learn?
Who is teaming up with you in this process and how will you divide up the work?
What’s your style? Which guides or sites make this a fun and interesting process?
There’s a gold mine out there… get out your tools and pan for gold!
The teens and parents I talk to… are talking about financial aid…
And so that’s what I am paying attention to… Here’s what I have learned in scoping out a dozen books and sites on financial aid, scholarships, loans…
1. There’s A LOT of information out there! Guides come in all shapes and sizes…
Firstly, get clear about what you need/want to learn:
Do you need to understand all of the steps of the college search and selection process?
Are you able to differentiate between the various types of financial aid?
Do you have a sense of your eligibility for various types of aid?
Are you aware that private colleges often offer more aid than public universities? So just looking at schools with smaller price tags is not necessarily your best move!
Secondly, some guides are great resources and fun to read, while others are helpful and a snore! Suss out all the possibilities – from your advisor’s/guidance counselor’s office to the library to the book store – and find the guide(s) you love to read… or can live with to get the information you need.
2. Check out websites that will do some of the “magic” for you…
Once you have a sense of what types of financial aid you want to investigate, go to those sites that will match you and scholarships, grants, and loans… using more than one search engine is your best bet! {See tomorrow’s post for some ideas!}
And, remember that colleges also have their own funds and award financial aid: you will need to be digging into the information on the colleges’ websites and in their print materials too.
3. This process of paying for college is a family affair…
Creating a plan for tackling the task of understanding financial aid, scholarships, and moneysaving tax incentives needs to involve both you and your parent(s).
4. Take out the magnifying glass for all sources and check when the information was last updated.
I was reading some guides with an imprint date of 2004 and others that arrived on shelves last year… and yet books start the publishing process at least a year before the publication date. Beware, the same is true of websites… look carefully at the resources you are reading, I saw some info on a site from 2004 that had not been updated… The world changes so fast, you need to have the most current information possible!
Tomorrow I will give you a list of the resources that I have scoped out… Take heart, there are some goodies!
5 Steps to Bridging the Gap between Different Perspectives
Just last month I was in Chicago at a conference of 7,400 teens-whew! It was fantastic! In one of my sessions a young woman asked a really interesting, important, and pertinent question-in search of how to approach her parents about their perspective on the “best” college for her…
Are you having any differences of opinion with your parents-I hope so! Different viewpoints are GREAT-it’s handling them that can be challenging, I’m a firm believer in planning for healthy conflict.
Here was the scenario presented to me: The young woman wants to attend a small, private college and her parents want her to attend a large, state school (and finances are not the issue here). The parties in this situation have reasons to support their viewpoints.
I believe there are ways to navigate these difficult waters…
1. Think through what matters most to you and be able to describe it.
What kind of college/university setting do you want and need: location, size, core values of the college/university, nature/diversity of student body, residence halls, extracurricular activities, the list goes on… Be prepared to clearly articulate why the college(s) of your choice is the best for you. (Remember, with 4,400 colleges in the US, there must be at least half a dozen that would be a great match for you.)
2. Be clear about communication styles-how you approach people and situations and how your parents do too.
Reflecting on and understanding how people come to conversations (both everyday conversations and those that get complicated/heated) can give you time to think through how you will approach the discussion, and how you will respond (not react) to differing perspectives. The goal is always for every participant in the discussion to feel heard/understood – and that only happens when we start from a position of respect, are open to learning more, and demonstrate that we value the relationship.
3. Listen to your parents’ perspectives and ask questions.
What are all the issues involved and the values behind the statements they are making? Where are they coming from, what’s the reasoning behind their thinking ? (Do your parents want you to have the same college experience they had? Do they want you to have a completely different experience? Do they want you to be near home? Do they perceive certain environments to better than others – and what does that mean to them?)
4. Find areas of agreement.
What points of agreement exist between the differing viewpoints? Are there ways to weaken areas of disagreement? Is it possible redefine the issues to support a creative solution or a compromise?
In the scenario above, the disagreement initially appeared to be about one college versus another. After I asked the young woman a few questions it became clear that her parents wanted her to have the “full college experience,” as they had done. What appears to have been lost in the conversations was what the young woman defined as a “full college experience”-her vision was very different from her parents (she wanted a small, private college vs. they thought a big state school was best). The larger question is, where will she do her best work and have the most fun? College is about doing the work and enjoying the experience-and getting clear about what that involves is critical. Delineating what you need in an environment is central to making your case.
5. Work to develop a creative solution (the best!) or a compromise.
What’s the creative solution, one that both parties will support? How do you begin to figure out the creative solution? Thinking about what’s most important to you, talking through the desired results, looking for areas of agreement… those are the first steps.
In the scenario above, perhaps the first step is to take a deep breath and start the discussion at the very beginning, in an effort to focus on what all parties wish to achieve in making the decision: such an approach can lead to a discussion about choosing settings that will support the young woman’s best work. She could take the lead and describe that environment clearly to her parents and also ask questions of them, to better understand their perspectives – and then search for areas of agreement.
A compromise that suits both viewpoints seems unlikely-as in this situation, because no one can’t be in two places at once-so a creative , thoughtful response is required.
Choosing colleges and universities is a BIG decision: it requires using your head and your heart. (And, if you decide that you need to change your decision/change colleges, remember, while it may not be simple, it is usually possible.)
What’s your take on this? I’d love to hear your solutions-ways you have found to navigate the tempestuous waters when you and your parents are thinking and feeling differently about BIG decisions.
